Asian Samantha

It does not matter much to me, but it seems I've been lopsided in my own self. The best thing is I'm numb from this process. A price to pay for being careless. I wonder why guys are being guys, can't they fuck like Samantha Jones? Or can't I be like her? I bet it was never meant to be, more so I'm missing my soul. Am I self destructing myself with the vices I've done? The last laugh is beyond me.

King Of Anything

Revelation comes at the most unprecedented hour, it hits you, blindly. I was at my 4th Bintang beer while watching tourists, with their bodies tanned to bronze, disgusting sights of old people with their asses hanging out for the world to see, the annoying screams of children humming like the bees in the vicinity. There I was relaxing at the patio of the restaurant puffing away the last 4 sticks of Malboro.

Thinking and contemplating, this trip was suppose to be a bonding outing with friends, regardless without them, my life would be a total dull. I'm grateful that my huge feet is standing at the Callego beach, infamous for its "Beach Boys" prostitution and I'm salivating just by thinking of it. I'm 26 years old, fresh out of the oven and earning a mere RM 2K plus monthly, still I am not satisfied with myself.

I hate it when emotions start stirring at the moment, this particular feeling lingers and I could not help but laughed at myself. A mockery some might say that most of my self-bashing are just insecurities nested in the darkest of places in my heart. Then the next thing I knew, my cheeks are wet. I said to myself,

"I want to fall in love again"

I finally found someone whom I fancied, maybe it was just the beer, but I could not stop thinking about him. Then again, I wouldn't know how he truly felt, but I really hope to start something beautiful with him. While sipping, crying and laughing, I've made some resolutions and make peace with myself, throwing out the old demons and replaced them with clarity. Maybe it was the temples, or maybe I'm trying too hard to be Elizabeth Gilbert, but I want him.

Cancerous Signs

What is it with people being so philosophical in their daily lives? Day after day, there are hidden rules that somewhat dictate what a person should/should not do. I'm ranting, I'm tired and frankly I lost faith in myself. It such passe to say, at such a stage in my life I'm still surrounded by insecurities caused none other than myself.

I beginning to think I'm becoming more and more vulnerable where my feelings, anger, frustrations are beginning to show throughout my current life. Impatient with things, dubious of thoughts, sometimes I wonder if I'm worth on anyone's list.

An empty hollow shell, void traces of human sincerity. Farce!

Yeah 3x

Whatever it may be, it doesn't concerns me anymore, that's the motto of my life at the moment, finally cleared up all the junk been affecting my life, now I'm less with a burden, the least I can do is to be happy for today is Monday, the start of the week and,

"I don't give a FUCK"

=)