Bat For A Heart

The car was silent, with raindrops making a collective turds on the car, the old wipers are out of place, radio turn off while the AC blasted full on in this cold weather. It is indeed a depressing week, with the torrential rain almost everyday, I began to think if everything that I stand for was right, if I've made the right decisions, doubts that clouded my action yet I was reminded again that I used to be great, fearless and competent, but not now.

I'm still hung up over the fact that I've fallen so far, without realising if what i've done in the past was correct, was I coached right? Was I wrong to voice out? Was I at fault at all? All these questions plagued me, darkens my soul and invade my mind that there's only one thing left to do : to give an ultimatum to myself.

Ironic, as I was passing by reminders and memories everyday that I've done so much with actual things that happen, with in your face results, yet still, I have fallen so far that i've reach rock bottom to even realise and open my heart to accept the flow. The flow that follows, never questions and never ending waiting. It seems I've made up my mind, but the questions lies: Will I see it through?

Drowning Helplessly

Still reeling from an emotional trauma of not getting used to in a new environment,  all the thoughts crumbled up like big weaves of hair that's enough to insulate a house pops out from my mind. I do not know if i'm ready for this at all,

"Back to Basics"

It seems i'm getting bored of it, if everyday details entails in sending out meetings after meetings, unable to think and judge for myself if this move was a good or bad. Maybe I missed being in charged, being vocal about what I believe in, maybe I just am not comfortable of embracing the old me, the inexperienced, the dumb and the need to follow people's footsteps in what I should do.

I seriously hate it from the bottom of my heart, but I guess i've made a promise to give my all.

Perhaps another 3 months to go at it, if the greener pasture was good at all.

Heavy Heart

It is with heavy heart that goodbyes are inevitable, it's hard to even say it out loud that everything, everything that you might known or cherished may be gone in an instant, a wilted wild flower that blooms in the morning snow.

Perhaps, it's the determination of the bud that wants to shine in the icy white field. Perhaps the bloom will be colourful at the end of September.

Like all pretty flowers, it will stand strong against the tide of withering time.

Wildest Moments

Time ticks slow, but the days are fast ahead of time. It seems that way for me. One and a half months to go, and goodbyes will ensued. I will truly miss the people around me, the wisdom, the wit and the never ending laughter. Frankly to say, I am not excited at all to be moving, yet this is one thing that I've yearned for so long.

Though my lips says I'm fine, deep down I felt torn of betraying the trust that was given to me, perhaps over time I would realize that it is just temporary, the strong lingering feeling; pierce through my emotions would fade. The dawning thought of me writing here again is so passe, it seems we are inseparable one way or another, don't you think?

Perhaps in my wildest moments, I will find the courage and faith in myself to bravely move on.